DELAYED BUT NOT DENIED

If you've been following our journey you will know that it hasn't always been easy. Both my husband and I have always been on the same page about being transparent and just keeping it real. Over the past few we've both been a little concerned about Jaxson's speech. He's 20 months old and 16 months adjusted. In February we updated his IFP (Individual Family Plan) with our new Regional Center and I expressed our concerns. A couple weeks ago we received the results of IFP Evaluation- he is developing well and on track in gross and fine motor skills, however when it came to speech communication we found out he is in fact delayed. It was determined that he definitely qualified for a speech evaluation, which took place today.

I had been a little anxious about the appointment all week. I was eager to know if our concerns were valid and find out how we could help Jaxson thrive in the area of speech communication. Upon the completion of his evaluation, the therapist gave me the results. While we knew there was a delay, hearing how much of delay it is made my heart sink. I felt defeated in that moment and sad. I also felt a little perplexed because he has been thriving so much and to not hit that speech milestone was kinda tough! I took in the news and agreed to her recommendation to begin infant stem 2 hours a week and then progress to speech therapy.

Jaxson was just as happy as can be (per usual) and I was experiencing a range of emotions. I even had a moment where I said, "this is my fault!" And I felt like I haven't been doing enough. I've dedicated my life to my son and to hear those words DELAYED stung. And please don't get me wrong I totally believe in therapy and am not upset that he needs it. We knew from day one that there could be developmental delays due to his extreme prematurity. But once a delay actually happens it stops you in your tracks for a minute. I think all parents just want the best for their child and don't want to see them struggle. I let myself have a brief pity party and then I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me telling me to get it together! So I did! I began reflecting on just how far we've come in under 2 years. When it comes to Jaxson, he has done things when he was ready, not us! This evaluation is just another reminder of that.

He is truly a miracle and being delayed doesn't negate that. When I tell you I really had to have "self talk", I mean it! Sometimes that's the only way to get through those moments LOL

I reminded myself that things could be a lot worse given how early he was born. So I thank God tremendously and will continue to celebrate Jaxson for who he is and where he is. I am glad that I listened to my mommy instincts and reached out for help.Like I said, I'm not one who is against therapy and not mad that he needs it. I am glad that it is available to us. 

So I just want to bless someone else who also may be feeling a bit defeated or discouraged. I urge you to look at what IS good in your life. Take the glass half full approach, and if you do find yourself feeling down and out, don't stay there. Think about what's good I promise you, gratitude will take you out of that funk and put things back into perspective.