All things are working for my good...He's intentional, never failing...
Since recently opening up about my miscarriage, I have received so many messages from women who too have gone through the same thing. Some have gone through pregnancy related issues and had never spoken about it. The fact that miscarriage is SO common and often a conversation many people avoid, the truth of the matter is that it happens and there should be NO SHAME attached to it. The topic shouldn't be taboo...our scars and our pain can help someone else! While initially I was nervous to share, I felt the tug in my spirit and I wanted to be obedient to what God has called me to do.
Last week I had a follow-up appointment with my new OB. From the time that I found her to our very first meeting I felt like God had led me to her. Her reviews were off the charts, she's a woman of color, very educated in her field and has her own practice. WIN! Being in a new State and knowing about the potential risk of having a 2nd baby, it was important for me to find the perfect OB...for us! So upon us meeting with her we were very comfortable sharing my history and recent situation. My husband casually brought up something that was said during my c-section by my former OB: "Wow did you know you had 5 fibroids". I was pretty medicated at the time and thought maybe I had misheard what he said...in all of my years I had never known that I had these. I always had normal, timely and not alarming menstrual periods- no abnormal Pap smears and while carrying Jaxson they were never seen. Even last year during my routine "Well Women's Check-up" my Primary Doctor said everything was fine. No signs of fibroids or any reason why I wouldn't be able to get pregnant and stay pregnant to term.
Well my new OB gave us some insight and long story short, in about a week, on the day that we would've heard our baby's heartbeat...instead, I will be having a sonogram to see where these little suckers are located and IF they are causing issues. She gave us a couple options depending on the location. Both options would require out patient surgery if (which we do) want to conceive again.
For about 2.5 seconds I had a mini panic attack and literally grabbed my head and said, "OMG WAIT WHAT!". The information shook me and so many thoughts flooded my mind: SURGERY? What? Why do I feel find internally if something is there that shouldn't be? What if something goes wrong? What if we we can't have another baby? Could fibriods have caused Jaxson's early labor? What in the world?????? SO MANY QUESTIONS!
My OB confidently calmed me down and gave me some reassurance. Whew! Moments later her phone rang and paused our conversation to answer...When she put the phone to her ear- my eyes caught some familiar words. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. On her forearm the verse Romans 8:28 was tattooed.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Instantly a sense of peace washed over me. I could've praised God all through that room. Those little reminders that God allows us to experience are no coincidence. I needed to see that at just the right moment. God is at work IN this situation and I trust Him. No matter what you are facing, I hope you too will trust Him to work those not so pleasant things, into something GOOD for you!