This is the place where I found my strength, where I learned what true love and sacrifice meant. A place where Jesus literally held my hand day in and day out as we watched Him perform a miracle for our baby boy. Yesterday Jaxson and I went to visit and drop off our family Christmas card. So many of his old nurses came or to see us and were so excited to see his progress. Before we left one of his old Neonatologist came to speak. We hadn't seen eye to eye on many things during his NICU stay. My family and I believed in miracles she believed in science and only science. Her words.
She was the Dr. who came to my bedside accompanied by 2 NICU nurses on the morning I began going into preterm labor. I vividly remember her disposition which was very cold, and even a bit negative as she rambled off statistics to us. There're was no warmth in her voice and we felt she lacked compassion. And when she Jaxson was under her care, there were times when the communication was lacking and even a bit of tension. Just so many things that don't make you feel comfortable in the midst of what your already dealing with.
Well, it's been a little over a year since I've seen her and honestly I have no ill feelings towards her anymore. In the past I actually despised her due to her lack luster bedside manner before and during our NICU stay. But the other day, when she came out very cheerful and displayed a true sense of happiness. For the very first time EVER she reached out to hug me! She was delighted to see us and I was pleased to extend grace. We all need it.
I must say, whenever we go for visits to the NICU I not only feel a sense of gratitude, but also a big sense of accomplishment. With God's help, Marc and I have managed to take care of Jaxson and nurture him in such a way that has greatly attributed to his success. Not all babies graduate from the NICU, and then some do and have to return for different reasons. With Jaxson's very early gestation of 22 weeks, he was at a high risk for having medical issues but he doesn't. When I say he is a MIRACLE, I really mean it. Our story could've ended up being a lot different , but by the grace of God he is not a statistic.
I'm sharing this positive experience because I want others to know that its ok to encounter those who may have said or done unfavorable things. Forgiveness is ok. Grace is ok. It doesn't mean you have to have coffee or tea with them. God extends grace to us each and everyday and I want to do the same for others. Leading into the New Year, that's a goal of mine. I don't want to hold onto grudges or anything that will hinder me from living and experiencing all of the great things God has prepared for me. I choose FREEDOM!