Failure: lack of success
This is a word that should be obliterated from the vocabulary of women. People period. I remember after I gave birth to Jaxson I struggled with feelings of guilt and failure. I told myself and really believed that my body failed me and failed to keep my baby growing. Although I had done everything right I still in some ways felt it was my fault he was born prematurely. I fought with these feelings each and every day for MONTHS! Sometimes the thoughts were debilitating and brought tears to my eyes. Its been 20 months since I gave birth and I FINALLY feel at ease about what happened. More at peace and healed in some ways- my body didn't fail me. I am not a failure. I carried AND brought forth life. My husband and I created a little miracle out of love, wow! It's amazing and THAT my friends IS success. Not only that, I was able to provide nutrients for him with my breastmilk for 6 months of his life which was also a miracle. Many preemie moms struggle with milk production, I took supplements and pumped around the clock until my milk slowly stopped producing. While I wish I could've gone for a year I am still proud of what my body was able to bring forth.
While our plans changed drastically and caused us to readjust completely, I wouldn't change any of it. We had to endure so many hard things and Jaxson had a rough start but God knew when he formed Jaxson in my womb that he would use his life for His glory to show the world that miracles happen and bring hope to others. If you know anything about the Lord, you know He doesn't fail. His plans are perfect and I am grateful for what He has done for Jaxson and our family.
Please don't let guilt get the best of you, don't let someone elses journey make you feel inferior. Often times we get caught up focusing on someone else's life and it can make us feel like maybe we aren't doing enough or like you're failing at parenthood. Remember, comparison is the thief of joy! I want you to know that you are amazing, and each day we are given the grace to handle whatever may come our way. While your birth plan may have drastically been altered please don't beat yourself up. I know its hard to watch your child lay in a hospital bed with tubes and wires, while you feel helpless. I've been there and it was hard! I know you may feel like you could have done something differently for them but that's not always the case so please don't beat yourself up. Think about how awesome your baby is and what a miracle they are.
When it comes to milestones, your child may not be walking, or talking yet like the next child. They may have struggles with eating solids or sleeping through the night- but as long as you are doing your best to help them reach those goals, that's enough! Don't get discouraged, slow and steady wins the race :)
I hope this encourages you and as always I would love to hear your thoughts, feel free to comment!