I know its been a minute since I've check in here. Things have been good...we are a bit more adjusted to life in Texas and since I last posted we went to the OB (in April) for my sonogram to check for fibroids. My appointment was scheduled for the day after our Anniversary and the original day that we would've heard the baby's heartbeat. So many emotions, but we got through it! After a lengthy and not so comfy appointment, my Doctor did let me know that I DO have fibroids, BUT they are not causing any issues or concerns. She encouraged us to wait to try again in 3 months- in her opinion, waiting this length of time would allow my body time to heal and regulate. No problem, we aren't in a rush! I know that God has a plan and He will open my womb to receive the blessing of a baby when its time. Soooo stay tuned, I believe that whatever God has next for is will be amazing!
In other news, Jaxson recently had a developmental evaluation: Battlle Developmental Inventory 2nd Edition. Because we moved to a new State, we had to start from scratch. New plan, New people the whole shebang! Because Jaxson is almost 3, we had a short window of getting him services under EI (Early Intervention) and getting an IEP formulated. Here's the thing about these evaluations...they are really not the most favorable for the child. We really feel that it is not fair to base test results and judgements on a child when they are:
- In a different environment than they are used to- more times than not they are going to act differently, be overstimulated by the amount of objects, toys, etc. in the room.
- The Evaluators are strangers. They (most) don't have a good history or even experience with your child.
- They don't really push your child to focus on an activity or fully engage to complete said task.
- Micropreemies are unique in their own right- many do not know how to "deal with" a 22-23 weekers. These gestations are becoming more of the "norm" sadly, and I think providers are still trying to navigate how to fairly evaluate them.
Those are a few points I have gathered while talking to other micro preemie moms who share any some of my frustration. Going into this meeting I knew that Jaxson could potentially NOT show his full potential and possibly act like an entirely different child than what his father and I experience everyday. I give my child GRACE, he was born 17 weeks EARLY! Being developmentally delayed is to be expected to an extent. I just wish the people who are "trained" to conduct evaluations would look at the entire scope of the child. The evaluators only have a brief history of Jaxson from what I've told them. Needless to say, in the areas of Adaptive/Self Help, Personal Social, Communication, Gross & Fine Motor and Cognitive they are saying he is between 23% and 48% delayed with 48% being the highest for Communication. My first reaction of course was frustration, but then a bit of sadness and annoyance. Why? Read Numbers 1-4. I'm with Jaxson EVERYDAY...ALL DAY!!!! And while I know he is still behind in some areas, I see REALLY strong points in a lot of areas also. And my husband and I detest that he is 1 whole year behind (said by the evaluators)
I work with Jaxson everyday and have seen a lot of improvement over the past few months in so many areas, with NO professional help! He really is a smart boy and is learning his numbers, letters, abc's and so much more. I am not opposed to him receiving services in order for him to progress a bit more and meet goals we have in place for him- so don't get me wrong there. It is just hard to see your child scored and not truly given a fair chance ESPECIALLY when you KNOW there is so much that these evaluators don't get to see. And from talking to other preemie moms and even special needs moms, these frustrations are shared. As I told my husband, it was like opening up an old wound and pouring alcohol in it. Evaluations are a constant reminder of what happened and what went didn't go right and like this is your fault. AHHHHH! It's SO hard!
So what's the evaluators recommendation? Speech Therapy once a week, and Special Skills Training once a week.
Hubby and I have been discussing this situation and are really asking the Lord to guide us when it comes to what's best for Jaxson. Is the answer having him endure more evaluations that cause so much emotional stress? I'm not sure, but his development is very important to us and we know that God is in control.
We are RAISING A MIRACLE...
And it challenges us, it pushes us, makes us go hard, makes us believe in the impossible, and sometimes even causes our emotions to be everywhere! But God chose ME and my husband for this! No test scores or brash opinions will define him. Not today, not ever! God knows the plans He has for Jaxson and that gives me as a Mom peace.
We are not only raising a MIRACLE, we are raising an awesome human being! And together we will fight and go hard, to the end of days, to show the world just how amazing and perfect Jaxson is.