My husband and I recently took Jaxson to visit the NICU. This was our third time going, however this last visit was one that was the most memorable. Now that Jaxson is a bit older and more active it was a pleasure to watch him interact with some of his old nurses and Neonatologist. Watching him stand in the very hallway that Marc and I walked for 119 days literally made my heart full. It was such a full circle moment for us. Jaxson has come such a long way in 15 months its really remarkable to see and experience. We are grateful to have so many people supporting us and cheering us on.
For many parents the NICU is a scary place to return to and I totally understand that. We have so many memories, good and some not so good. But the NICU is not a place I dislike so to speak. Let's be clear, I have no desire for my son to be admitted to the hospital again or potentially even our future unborn child (not pregnant btw) but ultimately the NICU is a place where you get to see miracles happen. For the first few months of Jaxson being home, I had MAJOR anxiety about us having to return to hospital. I was afraid he would get sick and or even worse have breathing issues thus resulting in going back. Thankfully none of that happened and we were very fortunate to have a peaceful stay at home. I don't say this to brag but more so to show that good things DO happen! Our micro preemies may have a rough start but that doesn't always dictate their future outcome.
I think going back to visit the NICU shows strength and courage. The Staff loves to see their former patients and its an awesome feeling to not only say, "thanks" but also, "hey look how far we've come". I feel not only gratitude but a sense of accomplishment. With Jaxson being one of the youngest gestationally born at Little Company of Mary, his former nurses love getting updates on his progress. Many NICU RN's love what they do and it makes them feel special when a parent brings their little one to say HI! These are the women and men who take care of our babies around the clock and are vital to their outcome. Now don't be fooled, things weren't always peachy with our team. There were times when Marc and I bumped heads with our medical team or questioned certain things or even pushed for aggressive measures. But when I look back I can appreciate all of it. I wouldn't trade our journey for anything in the world. Through the journey I grew as a person. My faith was increased, I learned what true love and sacrifice meant. We made it through a tough time and came out stronger and better than ever. The NICU is forever a part of our journey and we are committed to continuing sharing our story and thanking God for all he has done for us. I also think its important for Jaxson to know where he comes from and know his story. Someone once told me that I should never tell Jaxson parts of his story. As his mother I don't agree with that. As he grows up I want him to know just how much of a miracle he really is. I want him to have a heart of service and giving back. I want him to appreciate life because he will understand just how precious it is. When I look at him from day to day I do feel as though he knows he has a special spirit. I can tell that he enjoys the simple things in life. He is such a joyful little boy and I think he already knows just how awesome he is!
So, I encourage you to go back and visit those that contributed to your journey. Will it be emotional? Maybe! But I believe in the grand scheme of things, you will see how far you've come and appreciate where you are even more. Conquer those fears, do the things that are scary, say thank you and always remain grateful.