Do you ever have those moments where your heart feels like it's going to burst? My heart gets so full when I think about my Jaxson. Each Sunday when we are in church I see his little face light up when the music plays and he begins to move and clap with such excitement. Sometimes watching him makes me weep tears of joy. I think about how far he has come in 14 months. From 1lb 2.9oz to now 19lbs!!! His life is truly a miracle. Not only did we make it out of the NICU, we didn't have to return for any issues! Miracle!
Everyday I find myself amazed at his development and progress. He's so determined and fearless at this age, you can't tell he was diagnosed as being at high risk for developmental delays. I don't say any of this to brag but more so out of reflection and gratefulness. Also acknowledging his progress encourages me because we were told his future would be uncertain. From day one we have put our hope and faith in God and trusted that He would use the medical professionals to aide in performing a miracle.
Life was so uncertain for us last year. It was the biggest storm we had ever been through. The days and nights were sometimes very long, but we believed that God had begun a good work and would be faithful to complete it. We now know that our trials and our storm weren't in vein. So many people around the world are being touched by Jaxson's miracle story. At 14 months old (10 adjusted) he's defying all of the odds and is a very healthy and happy little boy. When I think about how things could've turned out, my heart literally fills with gratitude.
God entrusted my husband and I with this special little boy and we share our lives with the world. Sometimes I don't feel worthy of the honor and pray daily for guidance and wisdom to handle our life and also be the mother Jaxson needs me to be. Motherhood isn't easy but its very rewarding. We struggle to find balance but do the best we can. One day (I believe) we will look back at this time in our lives and smile. We won't remember the small moments of defeat, the tears will have long gone away and we won't complain about the lack of sleep or frustrations that daily life can bring.
I'm grateful for seasons of change. Its simply a part of life. I'm finding in this new season that there are lots of unknowns that once again push me to rely on God. But this time around I think we are better equipped. Our foundation is strong and built on solid ground. Slightly stormy but well equipped. And when the going gets a little tough we can look back at a year ago and the testimony is, "if I made it then" surely I can make it now!
Don't loose hope my friend, don't give up, stay strong and focused on what is in front of you. I know from experience that storms are static and don't stay in one place. So if your going through a tough time, please know that it won't last always. And remember, the sun comes after the rain!