Baby Boy

No Do Over

No Do Over

Dear Sir at Pizza Rev,
Please don't tell me I need to have ANOTHER Baby since I had one that was premature. What you thought was a "joke" was in fact a very insensitive comment. I don't need to be reminded by a complete stranger that I missed out on a lot of things by giving birth 17 weeks early. To imply that my sons life should not be celebrated and almost dismissed is absurd. What you fail to realize is that despite his early arrival, we have gained SO much more than what we "lost". God has redeemed the time like never before.

These are the days...

These are the days, the ones we prayed for and l was hopeful would come. The days where we could pack our bags, hop in the car and go make family memories! These are the days I dreamt up in mind while my baby boy fought so hard in the NICU. I pause to breathe in the moments, I try to absorb the feeling of newness. This season of life is one that I've never known but one that I am appreciating. This time last Summer I was pregnant and just getting a handle on being so sick with hyperemesis graviderium. And then not too soon after, I went into pre-term labor,  delivered at 22 weeks, 6 days, had to recover from an emergency c-section and made back and forth trips to the NICU for 119 days. With ALL of those things going on, there wasn't a huge opportunity to do many family fun things. We didn't have the opportunity to blissfully enjoy the beautiful weather. Now that Summer is here we aren't holding back on getting out in the sun and making beautiful family memories that we've waited so long for.

Spirit lead me, where my trust is without borders......

Spirit lead me, where my trust is without borders......

Over the last few weeks there have a been few trips to our favorite park, the pier, trips to get fro-yo and even managed to go to a private beach. Its such a great feeling to see my baby boy exploring all of the sights, sounds and different sensations. This weekend he experienced sand and the ocean! I must admit, I had a little trepidation about the ocean- my worse nightmare is that I will get swept away in the large mass of water and although I can swim somehow the waves would overtake me. Despite this, I pressed past my anxiety and refuse to be bound by fear. I don't want my fears to control my son either. So we packed our bags and drove up the coast to Shaw's Cove which is tucked away in Laguna Beach. Marc and I were so excited to experience this as a family of 3, we weren't sure how Jaxson would respond to the water and the sand but figured we would expose him to it and see what happens. 

It turns out that we indeed have a water baby on our hands! Jaxson LOVED feeling the sand on his feet and the cool water brushing through his toes. It's one of the greatest feelings in the world as a parent to watch your child grow and learn. Having a joyful baby despite his early struggles is one of the greatest blessings. We had so much fun and decided that we would definitely take the trip at least once more before Summers end.

So I encourage you, no matter what season of life you are currently in, take some time to create memories. It doesn't always require a lot of money- creating memories is something so priceless. Make it a point to try new things- or plan a couple of activities that have been on your to-do list. The moments you celebrate today are bound to become amazing memories that are sure to last a lifetime! And God is so faithful, He will allow you to have the desires of your heart. He will restore everything you've lost. For us NICU moms, we have lost time. But God will restore everything you lost and He will have compassion on you! He will give you a good life and make your days even more plentiful. Just rest in Him and trust Him. (Deuteronomy 30:3)

Oh the places you will go...

Oh the places you will go...

 

 

Imperfect Mom

You ever have a day where you drop the ball several times and think to yourself, "what am I doing?" I kinda chuckled today and said, "Wow God, you really trusted me with a child! Wow" I had a couple of "mom fail" moments and beat myself up about it. Jaxson and I ran out to do a few errands and as luck would have it, as we were parking to go into our second stop I smelled something. It was the smell that a mother knows all too well, poop! So as I got the diaper bag to ready him for changing I suddenly remembered that I didn't restock his diaper bag from yesterday!!!!! I had NO diapers in the diaper bag! I really couldn't believe this was happening and I was quite embarrassed. I poked fun at myself on FB and a few mommy friends chimed in to let me know they too had done the same thing in the past. It helped to know that I wasn't alone in my short comings but I still felt like I had a moment of failure as a mom. I know some might say its really not a big deal, but I strive to stay in control and not make mistakes. I am human, definitely not perfect but I do strive to stay on top of things. I balance so much on my shoulders and attempt to do it all, so when I drop the ball I struggle with that.

Luckily, Jaxson won't remember my small mistakes. He is as happy as can be and loves me unconditionally. No matter how many times I feel like my best isn't enough, Jaxson looks at me with his beautiful brown eyes and smiles and I think, ok I must be doing something right. God is so amazing in how he orders our steps and blesses us despite our mess ups. He knew I would have "mom fail" moments, and would give me strength to get back up and keep pressing forward. I encountered a woman in the store and she stopped to speak to us- she said, "He is such a happy baby just relaxing in his seat. He's fed, he's clean, he's healthy and he is living a good life". Her words blessed me and affirmed me as a mother.. God spoke through this stranger to let me know that I am doing a good job as his mother. Will everyday be perfect? No! Will I forget important diaper bag essentials again? I hope not (but let's be honest, mommy brain is real) But at the end of the day, when its time rock our babies to sleep or tuck them in after a bed time story a sense of gratefulness is ever present. I find myself feeling all the feels and thanking God for my beautiful little miracle. The day may not have gone perfect, and some things may have been left undone but we made it!

No matter what your journey looks or feels like, know that you have everything you need to be a great mother, father, friend, wife, husband, daughter, son, sister, co-worker. The journey may get exhausting at times,  but it's also amazing. God was so kind to bless me with the gift of being Jaxson's mother. What we went through has allowed me to have the opportunity to be a blessing to others. Use the lessons of your struggles to help someone else, share your story. You never know how your imperfect life can bless someone else!