brave

These are the days...

These are the days, the ones we prayed for and l was hopeful would come. The days where we could pack our bags, hop in the car and go make family memories! These are the days I dreamt up in mind while my baby boy fought so hard in the NICU. I pause to breathe in the moments, I try to absorb the feeling of newness. This season of life is one that I've never known but one that I am appreciating. This time last Summer I was pregnant and just getting a handle on being so sick with hyperemesis graviderium. And then not too soon after, I went into pre-term labor,  delivered at 22 weeks, 6 days, had to recover from an emergency c-section and made back and forth trips to the NICU for 119 days. With ALL of those things going on, there wasn't a huge opportunity to do many family fun things. We didn't have the opportunity to blissfully enjoy the beautiful weather. Now that Summer is here we aren't holding back on getting out in the sun and making beautiful family memories that we've waited so long for.

Spirit lead me, where my trust is without borders......

Spirit lead me, where my trust is without borders......

Over the last few weeks there have a been few trips to our favorite park, the pier, trips to get fro-yo and even managed to go to a private beach. Its such a great feeling to see my baby boy exploring all of the sights, sounds and different sensations. This weekend he experienced sand and the ocean! I must admit, I had a little trepidation about the ocean- my worse nightmare is that I will get swept away in the large mass of water and although I can swim somehow the waves would overtake me. Despite this, I pressed past my anxiety and refuse to be bound by fear. I don't want my fears to control my son either. So we packed our bags and drove up the coast to Shaw's Cove which is tucked away in Laguna Beach. Marc and I were so excited to experience this as a family of 3, we weren't sure how Jaxson would respond to the water and the sand but figured we would expose him to it and see what happens. 

It turns out that we indeed have a water baby on our hands! Jaxson LOVED feeling the sand on his feet and the cool water brushing through his toes. It's one of the greatest feelings in the world as a parent to watch your child grow and learn. Having a joyful baby despite his early struggles is one of the greatest blessings. We had so much fun and decided that we would definitely take the trip at least once more before Summers end.

So I encourage you, no matter what season of life you are currently in, take some time to create memories. It doesn't always require a lot of money- creating memories is something so priceless. Make it a point to try new things- or plan a couple of activities that have been on your to-do list. The moments you celebrate today are bound to become amazing memories that are sure to last a lifetime! And God is so faithful, He will allow you to have the desires of your heart. He will restore everything you've lost. For us NICU moms, we have lost time. But God will restore everything you lost and He will have compassion on you! He will give you a good life and make your days even more plentiful. Just rest in Him and trust Him. (Deuteronomy 30:3)

Oh the places you will go...

Oh the places you will go...

 

 

9 Months

I would be telling a story if I said it didn't feel like just yesterday I gave birth to my little miracle. The day everything changed and our lives would never be the same. I'm a different me than I was 9 months ago. I've grown and changed in so many ways. Life has more meaning and purpose. Knowing and living my purpose was something I began to struggle with prior to having Jaxson. Yes I had a pretty stable life...great career, small business and the love of my life. Yet I still felt like something was missing. There was an emptiness inside- I prayed many days and nights asking God to show me what he wanted me to do and what more he wanted for my life. Of course I always knew I wanted to be a mother but never knew that actually becoming a mom would give me so much life and be an answered prayer. Alas purpose! Although our 9 months of pregnancy was literally cut in half, I am still beyond thankful for the gift to bringing a child into the world.

Our journey in itself has opened my eyes to how precious and refreshing new life truly is. My sons life has taught me what true strength is, what true love is and I am beyond grateful that God specifically purposed ME to be Jaxson's mother! I'm amazed daily at how far we have come since July 18, 2015.

The time has quickly flown by and I feel that with each passing day I blink and my son is bigger, brighter and so much more amazing than the day before. I had heard the phrase before having kids but boy oh boy do I really understand it now. My heart is so full when I look at our miracle and he smiles at me or rest his right hand in my shirt for comfort. At 9 months Jaxson is the happiest baby- he's strong, brave and healthy. Despite his very early arrival he is healthy. I thank God for his health. At our 9 month check up our pediatrician wrote an order to discontinue oxygen support! Um amazing! For several weeks my husband and I had started the weaning process and Jaxson has been doing so well so we kept going. His lungs are so much stronger than they used to be.

 

Our prayers once again have been answered. We will now have to adjust to a life without wires. A life of normalcy so to speak. The future is so bright for our 22 week preemie, to say I'm excited yet nervous would be an understatement. He doesn't know a life without oxygen support or a pulse oximeter, but now he will and for that I smile with a grateful heart and say, thank you Lord! I'm amazed at your work!