motherhood

FIGHTING THROUGH MISCARRIAGE

FIGHTING THROUGH MISCARRIAGE

Have you ever felt like you literally just wanted to crawl outside of your body?

Like you’re just so disgusted by what’s happening within you that you want to escape it? That’s exactly how I feel going through a NATURAL MISCARRIAGE. There was not much physical pain (in the beginning), just lots of blood and heartache. My mind was foggy for a while trying to grasp what was taking place. I was present but not present. Just dazed. One moment we were celebrating our pregnancy and excitedly accepting our new beginning, and within days I was in the Emergency Room being told by the Dr., “I’m sorry but I don’t have good news.” Urine test, Blood work, ultrasound...no baby. Just like that GONE! I knew there wouldn't be a miracle taking place THIS time.

SAVE MY SON

SAVE MY SON

"YOU GUYS ARE YOUNG YOU CAN ALWAYS TRY AGAIN LATER.” Those were the words my OB uttered as he sat at the edge of my hospital bed. I cried and asked, “Why is this happening to us?” I was 22 weeks pregnant and 2.8cm dilated. His usual candor went from upbeat to sad as he responded, “Sometimes these things just happen. You guys are good people and I hate when bad things happen to good people.” We wanted the truth and his advice…that’s when he said straight forward that we should do "comfort care". Going that route would mean that we would not stop the premature labor, and there would be absolutely no medication given or intervention when our son was born. Simply put, this suggestion meant that if our son was born before 24 weeks, we would hold him until he passed away. Most hospitals won't save a baby unless they are 24 weeks gestation. That's the gestation that many deem viable, although many babies are born and survive at 22 and 23 weeks. 

GETTING PREGNANT AFTER A PREEMIE

GETTING PREGNANT AFTER A PREEMIE

You see for me getting pregnant after having my micropreemie son was not something I had ever really considered. When people would ask "so when is the next one coming?" They would get THE LOOK...oh you know the look that says "are you for real?" After all that we've been through? Nah I'm good. Through my first pregnancy I learned so much about myself, my body and the entire experience wasn't what I imagined. It was such a hard journey- but through my tumultuous pregnancy and premature birth, I discovered my purpose, my faith grew AND I witnessed a real life miracle. I truly believe that everything I went through was God's will and plan.